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Zombies Everywhere! .14

First of all 4-wheeling is a shit-ton of fun.  I had never had the pleasure prior to this, but after about 2 minutes I suddenly understood what all those good-old-boys loved about it.  And I was sure that combined with hunting, it was even better.  I was in no position to be hunting at that point though, as I only had a paintball gun and a baseball bat.  Guns!  I needed guns!  But where?  Everyone who owned one would no doubt be using them, and all those that weren’t spoken for, soon would be.  Sure there was a gun shop in town, but come on – everybody and their mothers (quite literally) would be after them.

That’s the thing about Zombiegeddon.  Sure there is ample opportunity for looting and all manner of procuring stuff without paying for it, but everyone else wants shit too, and they want it badly.  Think black friday sales, but magnified by – zombies.  Going to a store was akin to suicide – at least until things died down.  No, if I wanted shit I would have to be more creative than that, and more ruthless than I was immediately comfortable being.  Basically I would have to take them from someone, either by force or by wile, and live with the reality of leaving someone defenseless in order to ensure my survival.  This is some heavy shit people, and even the fun of 4-wheeling couldn’t subvert the existential funk that I soon fell into.

I had though about this in my years of Zombiegeddon fantasy, but that is all theory, and in my opinion no amount of research and studying can prepare you for doing something in real life.  We all have images of ourselves, things we think about ourselves.  I guess that I had never seen myself as the kind of person who steals, or places herself above everything else.  But that is bullshit, and it probably always was.  Zombies are the kind of thing that pull down the false images we hold to reveal what remains.  What’s left when the shit hits the fan, that is who we are. 

During the Zombie Armageddon there are survivors and there are zombies.  If you want to be a survivor, you have to accept that.  I  had always fancied myself a survivor.  And now it was time to see just what exactly I was capable of.

I figured that people with barns were likely to also have guns.  And so I drove, with a heavy heart, until I saw a barn (actually there were two barns on the property), and then I stopped.  I left the ATV about half a mile away, and walked though a field approaching the farmhouse.  I tried to formulate a plan as I walked, but my brain was flooded with pre-guilt, and my blood-pressure was up so that I could hear it pumping furiously in my ears.  I also felt slightly nauseated. 

When I reached the house I crouched for a moment under one of the windows at the back and tried to steady my breathing.  I was shaking and I hoped to god that I could pull this off.

eulogy for the best looking part of me.

Do you know what it’s like to be a hot girl?  I do.  I looked everyday in the mirror.  I wanted to fuck what I saw there.

I could walk into any place, and I knew that I could have any guy in there.

The confidence.  The swagger.  Forget that I was always a misanthrope with unpopular ideals.  Forget that I was kind of a bitch.  Forget that social situations have always been the bane of my existence.  I ruled them with ease.  Because sex is King, and if you rule that realm – you rule places that would normally be far beyond your reach.

Do you know what it is to lose control?  To lose that part of yourself which you had relied on for so long?  It is nothing short of traumatic.  It takes all of your power and puts it, at the very least, into question.

If you are a very stable person, very well-rounded and grounded, then you whether the storm, and you retain composure.  You hold onto your lands through sheer will, and with the self assurance that your worth  is more substantial than your looks.

If you are not then you find yourself displaced in a familiar place.  A stranger in your own territory.  Allies – few and far between.  Family, well-intentioned friends.  But the mirror is the nemesis that seems to be everywhere all the time.  Reality is a bitch.  Self-esteem is a pipe-dream.  Chase it if you will, at least you’ll be burning calories. 

Inner self-worth is that which we should all strive to attain, because you’ve got to have a plan B.

The Zombiegeddon Fitness Plan: Being the Best You Can Be, in Case of the Zombie Apocalypse

So, I recently got a gym membership.  I’m looking to drop about 40 pounds, and I really needed something to do, so the gym is kind of perfect.  And while losing weight is awesome, and being healthy and fit is great too, I have to admit that in the back of my mind (or maybe somewhere closer to the middle) one of my motivations is definitely Zombiegeddon.  Having been expecting zombies to show up for years now, I have run over so many scenarios, so many times, and one thing is clear – staying alive will not be a cakewalk.  Unfortunately for those of us who are out of shape I think that survival under these circumstances will require a good amount of running, walking, jumping, and hiding in often uncomfortable places (though the backseat of a Volkswagen wouldn’t be a particularly good spot to hide from zombies.  Just FYI.).  Endurance, strength and flexibility will be huge assets, and in fact may mean the difference between life and death. 

Today I started actually working out, getting in shape.  Today I also started my self-training for the Zombie Apocalypse.  There are lots of great reasons to get in shape, and they all factor in to why I decided to pay good money to make myself all sweaty and out of breath.  But perhaps the most entertaining, and the most ridiculously motivating is the possibility that you may need to be in the best shape possible to prevent being eaten alive by zombies.  Think about it.

Why Zombies??

I’ve given this a lot of thought and it seems obvious to me that we are dealing with a kind of severe disillusionment.  Really it looks like misanthropy of a sort.  Sure zombies aren’t really human, but they used to be.  Humans don’t have a history of doing anyone any favors, not even other humans.  Our world is falling apart at practically every level and we’re to blame for most of it.  Environmental deterioration and financial decline, which dominate current events these days, are simply symptoms of the failing human experiment.  Misanthropy is defined as “species self-loathing” and if you subscribe to it, it can be difficult to see how anyone could think otherwise.  The Zombie Fascination Phenomenon (or ZFP) is then almost a natural result of the feeling of disappointment and disenfranchisement that accompanies the realization that we aren’t as great as our forefathers believed, that in fact – we suck.

Why Zombies?

I have been waiting for years.  At first it was an interest, then it became something else.  Watching zombie movies is one thing, but this was different.  At some point I stopped being a passive observer, and started actively thinking about, well, zombies.  And the zombie apocalypse, or what I call Zombiegeddon.  I began hoping for the end of the world, and the form that I hoped it would take.  This was around 2001 or 2002.  It wasn’t just me, but my whole group of friends; we would do the usual college thing (sitting around drinking, smoking, etc) but instead of talking about music, entertainment, etc, we would talk about Zombiegeddon, run through scenarios, discuss what plan of action would be most prudent.  Several years later, when the inevitable effects of time and graduation forced me to expand my in-group, I realized that it wasn’t just me and my friends who had this weird over-interest in zombies – it was everywhere.  How did this happen, and why?