Posts tagged ‘Zombiegeddon’

Zombies Everywhere! .14

First of all 4-wheeling is a shit-ton of fun.  I had never had the pleasure prior to this, but after about 2 minutes I suddenly understood what all those good-old-boys loved about it.  And I was sure that combined with hunting, it was even better.  I was in no position to be hunting at that point though, as I only had a paintball gun and a baseball bat.  Guns!  I needed guns!  But where?  Everyone who owned one would no doubt be using them, and all those that weren’t spoken for, soon would be.  Sure there was a gun shop in town, but come on – everybody and their mothers (quite literally) would be after them.

That’s the thing about Zombiegeddon.  Sure there is ample opportunity for looting and all manner of procuring stuff without paying for it, but everyone else wants shit too, and they want it badly.  Think black friday sales, but magnified by – zombies.  Going to a store was akin to suicide – at least until things died down.  No, if I wanted shit I would have to be more creative than that, and more ruthless than I was immediately comfortable being.  Basically I would have to take them from someone, either by force or by wile, and live with the reality of leaving someone defenseless in order to ensure my survival.  This is some heavy shit people, and even the fun of 4-wheeling couldn’t subvert the existential funk that I soon fell into.

I had though about this in my years of Zombiegeddon fantasy, but that is all theory, and in my opinion no amount of research and studying can prepare you for doing something in real life.  We all have images of ourselves, things we think about ourselves.  I guess that I had never seen myself as the kind of person who steals, or places herself above everything else.  But that is bullshit, and it probably always was.  Zombies are the kind of thing that pull down the false images we hold to reveal what remains.  What’s left when the shit hits the fan, that is who we are. 

During the Zombie Armageddon there are survivors and there are zombies.  If you want to be a survivor, you have to accept that.  I  had always fancied myself a survivor.  And now it was time to see just what exactly I was capable of.

I figured that people with barns were likely to also have guns.  And so I drove, with a heavy heart, until I saw a barn (actually there were two barns on the property), and then I stopped.  I left the ATV about half a mile away, and walked though a field approaching the farmhouse.  I tried to formulate a plan as I walked, but my brain was flooded with pre-guilt, and my blood-pressure was up so that I could hear it pumping furiously in my ears.  I also felt slightly nauseated. 

When I reached the house I crouched for a moment under one of the windows at the back and tried to steady my breathing.  I was shaking and I hoped to god that I could pull this off.

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Zombiegeddon Fitness Plan: The Bike

Ok, so I’ve been on vacation for the last 3 weeks, but I’m back now, and just as committed to getting in shape for the zombie apocalypse as ever! Christmas has however wreaked havoc on my weight loss and fitness routine, and so I am still working back into things, and am so relieved to be doing so (visiting family is great, but stressful, and full of food!).
I also have a new addition to my fitness arsenal – a bike. I didn’t ask for it, or even know that I wanted it, but I got one, and I love it. And riding around the neighborhood on it got me thinking about how useful a bike could be during Zombiegeddon.

Women’s Forge Sejour Path Comfort Bike - Egg-Shell White (16")
Aside from offering a nice, low-impact cardio workout, a bike is relatively fast, and maneuverable,  it’s quiet, and it doesn’t require fuel.  The downside is that it is open, leaving you exposed.  For moderately crowded situations, and for reconnaissance purposes I think that a bicycle could be kind of great (not without risks, but great).

I think that the key to minimizing the risks associated with utilizing a bike while in the presence of zombies is to practice riding, to get really good a controlling the bike, and to increase your cardio endurance.  And luckily all you need to do is ride a bike to achieve these things.  Obviously a stationary bike will be able to give you the cardio workout, but without the experience of maneuvering a real bike.

I also theorize that being dresses properly could help make the bike a safer Zombiegeddon option.  By being as fully covered by your clothes as possible you could prevent drive by scratches and bites.  And as always, if you are riding a bike, it is advisable to wear a helmet.

The Zombiegeddon Fitness Plan: Being the Best You Can Be, in Case of the Zombie Apocalypse

So, I recently got a gym membership.  I’m looking to drop about 40 pounds, and I really needed something to do, so the gym is kind of perfect.  And while losing weight is awesome, and being healthy and fit is great too, I have to admit that in the back of my mind (or maybe somewhere closer to the middle) one of my motivations is definitely Zombiegeddon.  Having been expecting zombies to show up for years now, I have run over so many scenarios, so many times, and one thing is clear – staying alive will not be a cakewalk.  Unfortunately for those of us who are out of shape I think that survival under these circumstances will require a good amount of running, walking, jumping, and hiding in often uncomfortable places (though the backseat of a Volkswagen wouldn’t be a particularly good spot to hide from zombies.  Just FYI.).  Endurance, strength and flexibility will be huge assets, and in fact may mean the difference between life and death. 

Today I started actually working out, getting in shape.  Today I also started my self-training for the Zombie Apocalypse.  There are lots of great reasons to get in shape, and they all factor in to why I decided to pay good money to make myself all sweaty and out of breath.  But perhaps the most entertaining, and the most ridiculously motivating is the possibility that you may need to be in the best shape possible to prevent being eaten alive by zombies.  Think about it.